Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Cutting the cord...

 I've been doing a lot of thinking the past couple days.

When you have a baby, he or she is pretty much in your control 24/7...and it stays that way for quite a few years.

I'm entering into a territory now where my kids are going to have a life that doesn't always include me.

And it brings me severe anxiety.

I wouldn't consider myself a hovering parent really.  I let them do things even when inside I'm screaming with worry because I know there are times when I need to step away and maybe look the other way...because it's part of growing up.

Ryan went on a field trip yesterday without me...and I was sick all day about it.  I don't know why I'm so nervous about things like that, but I hate when my kids go on bus trips without to the point of I need a Xanax stat.

We're at the stage where we bring them to birthday parties and dance lessons and play dates...and leave.  We don't have them in our sights all the time.

And as neurotic as it sounds, it makes me think of days when they'll be driving and dating and leaving home all grown up because I know it's going to be here in the blink of an eye.  And I don't know how the heck I'm going to be able to handle it. 

Does this protective mom thing ever go away?  Because I can't imagine that it does.  I don't know how mothers of soldiers overseas don't just throw up all day long worrying about their babies.

I can't even let my kids get in a car with a person other than myself and a selected few and not panic all the live long day.

So, basically, I need to chill the eff out.  Enjoy each day.  Stop worrying about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

I mean, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?

Hi, my name is Jessica, and I am a worrying spaz of a mother.

P.S.  Can you tell I've discovered the self timer on my camera?  Good times...

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