The lesson my son learned today...

...is that you shouldn't make a deal unless you're willing to deal with the consequences of losing.

Last night I was watching Now and Then , and Ryan walked in at the part where Christina Ricci is about to get kissed.

So I said, "Oh, Bubba, look.  They're gonna smooch..."

And he said, "No, they're not.  If they kiss, I'll drink pickle juice."

Little did he know it, but I just bought a fresh jar of pickles that very afternoon.

So this morning I made him pay up.  I called him downstairs (since they're home from school because of a blizzard) and surprised him.

 

  

Hehehehehe...we need something to keep us entertained since we're buried under feet of snow.

My stairs look like a white slide

In case you were wondering, yes, that is my husband shoveling with shorts on...

I'm going to say it one more time.  I hate snow.

The end.

A new haircut...and the shocking question of the day.

Ryan has been getting the same haircut practically since he was 18 months old, and he always looks so darn handsome.

He is a really cute kid...and I'm not just saying that because he's mine.

Anyway, today he came home with a design shaved into the side of his head.

I'm not a fan.

However, he's been asking for something like this for a while now....and the little bugger is getting old.

When they got home, I surely gave my husband the stink eye. 

Oh, well.  It's only hair.

*******************************************************************

On another note, Jayden just walked up to me as I was typing the portion above and said out of the freakin' blue:

"Did you only have sex with one man?"

Huh?  What?  I almost spit out my drink.

Yikes.

She has no idea what that even means...

I told her I'll have that conversation with her when she's, I don't know, about 30.

The conversation I just had with my husband...

Me:  Do you see the ginormous pimple I woke up with?

Brand:  This one?

Me:  Nope.

Brand:  This one?

Me:  Nope.  This one...(pointing to the pimple that has formed on the inside of my NOSTRIL and hurts like a mother.)

Brand:  Yowza.

I need some Proactive stat.

Well, ain't that some bullshit...

After work today, I headed to two of my favorite stores:  Target and Barnes & Noble.

I bought a couple things for myself:

Nothing makes me smile more than a new magazine, a new book, and some sweet socks.

I picked up a lot of essentials:  Paper towels, food, moisturizer, yada yada.

I also found some really cute boots for Jayden on clearance.

When I got home, the first thing I did (even before I put anything else away) was had her try them on. 

She got the right one on her foot no problemo, but the left one would not fit no matter how hard we tugged.

Want to know why?

Tag, size 13.  Check.

 

 Bottom of boots, size 13.  Check.

Right boot, inside tag, size 13.  Check.

Left boot, inside tag, size 12.  What the #$%$@!?!

Guess who's going back to Target tomorrow...

The Hazards of Cat Ownership...

I have a serious love/hate relationship with our cats.

To be quite honest, most times I just want to get rid of them, but my children would end up in therapy if I did such a thing.  Even the mere mention of "I think we are going to have to call the animal shelter" sends them into hysterics, so I'm not going there....yet.

I'm no stranger to having a cat walk in front of me and causing me to almost fall on my face.  This includes walking down the stairs.

If I leave my bowl of cereal unattended for even a second, I am sure to find a cat with her snout in the bowl, drinking all my milk.  Gross.

But something new happened this morning...

I went into the bathroom to pee.  As I went to sit on the toilet, a cat jumped up at the very last second and I sat on her.  I'm sorry, but when you're in the process of sitting on the toilet, you don't expect to encounter fur on your butt.  Luckily she escaped...and did not fall in.

It still has me chuckling...

Damn cats...  :)

Have a lovely Tuesday!

A New Year...

I'm sitting here this early afternoon, eating some oatmeal, thinking about cleaning off my desk...

Another year is over in a flash.  How can it be 2011?  It blows my mind.  I graduated from high school 11 years ago.  It seems like it was just yesterday...

And now I have an 8-year-old and soon-to-be 7-year-old.  Just plain craziness.

This weekend I had to finish up some continuing education requirements for my license renewal.  I've had three years to do it...but I, of course, left it until the last three days of the year.  I always say every January 1st that I won't procrastinate anymore, but let's be serious...it's who I am.

I accomplished a very huge thing over the weekend.  Ladies and Gentlemen, you can now see the floor of my children's bedroom.

I was too embarrassed to take a "before" shot.  Trust me...it could have been in an episode of Hoarders.

In true "Jessica" fashion, my Christmas tree is still up.  I have so much purging and organizing to do in the next couple days so that I can put all this stuff away.

 

Random:  The Pictureka app on the iPhone is addicting.  The kids and I are having a blast with it.

I never stick to my new year's resolution, but I always make one (or a few.)  This year I'm going to do my best to follow through.  We shall see...

1.  I am going to use my YMCA membership on a very regular basis because I'm fat.

2.  I am going to be better about sticking to my word.

Oh, and I solemnly swear that once I get this little problem under control...it will NEVER look like this again.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!  Ours was awesome.  Santa did not disappoint.  Even I got something I've been wishing for...a vacuum cleaner. 

Seriously, the things that we want for Christmas as we get older are depressing.

Happy New Year!

I must be getting old...

Or maybe I just live under a rock because this is all news to me.

Ryan (my six-year-old) said to me yesterday, "Mama, what does see you next Tuesday mean?  Someone said it on the bus."

I was like, "Huh?  See you next Tuesday?  What do you mean?"  I was confuzzled as a mofo.

He proceeded to tell me that it was not a nice thing to say, but he didn't know what it meant.

So I went to urbandictionary.com and did a little research.  Sure enough, "See you next Tuesday" is a secret way of calling somebody a C-U-N-T.  Fantastic.

The school bus is not my friend anymore...

Oh, Christmas tree...

Good morning!

Jeez, I have been neglecting the blog this week.

Between work and wrapping presents, I have had zero time for anything else.

I laid down with Jayden last night for "just a minute," which turned into us waking up late this morning because no alarm clock was set.

We finally decorated our tree on Sunday.  It's been standing there for weeks all naked.

 It looks mighty purty if you ask me.  It's still missing the angel though.  I don't think she's going to fit.  She's going to be hitting her head on the ceiling.

Grumpy did not help...because, you see, Grumpy is also known as Scrooge around these parts.  Santa was not good to my poor husband as a child and I think he's holding a grudge.  :)

Surprisingly, the cats have pretty much left it alone, but I find them staring at it a lot.

I found a little something that Bubba did with some candy canes.  :)

Happy Christmas Eve Eve!!!

:)

Another funny...

Well, at least I think so.

On Wednesday night, out of nowhere Jayden came up to me and very matter of factly said, "Mommy, you promised me you would take me to the book store after I got my throat waxed."

She was referring to when she had strep throat and needed her throat swabbed for a culture.

Throat waxed = throat culture.

She totally cracks me up...

Happy Friday!!!

The Baby Store

The other night Jayden informed me that she wants a baby sister.

I told her that we aren't ready to have another baby right now.

She asked why.

I explained that having a baby costs a lot of money and, besides, it's not something that just happens overnight because babies have to grow in a mommy's belly for a long time.

Then she told me that I should just go buy one at the baby store.

I asked her where on earth the baby store is...because, shoot, we'll go there right now and scoop up a baby sister.

You know how some stores have special parking places for parents with infants?  They usually have a sign that looks similar to this: 

Well, Jayden thought that meant that babies were for sale in that establishment.

When I laughed and asked her where in the world she got that idea, she told me that I was the one who told her that.

I can't say that I remember that conversation...

He'll take the Nike's, please...

This morning as I was helping Ryan put his shoes on, he said to me, "Mama, I don't like these shoes.  I want some Nike's that come up to here."  He indicated that he wants high-tops, not the tennis-shoe-style he had on.

Up until this point, a particular brand of shoes or clothing has not been an important issue for either of my kids.  I could shop at the Salvation Army for all they care...

I looked at him and said, "Why, Bubba?  Did somebody say something about your shoes?"

He said no, so I took his word for it.  He didn't look upset about it or anything.

I think he must have been admiring a fellow classmate's footwear or maybe even his own daddy's.  In any case, he wants a pair of Nike's.

Ugh.

I have loved the fact that I could shop for them without them being there.  They didn't care if they had a say in what they wore or not.

Shopping with them is the pits...

We've reached another milestone.  I suppose it was inevitable.

I guess I'll be seeing you at Foot Locker and not Payless.

Crap.

Well, then...

You know what my favorite words are not?

Internal Revenue Service.

I had to spend a good part of my morning with my good friends at the local IRS office.  So much fun.

Not.

Did you know that being self employed means I have to pay a special (huge) self employment tax?

Well, I do.  And it sucks...bad.

When I got home, I had to make a follow-up phone call to them.  While I was doing so, Brand was playing Call of Duty, which is a warfare game.  He tends to yell while he's playing.

Here is a note that I had to jot down while I was on the phone...because he was being loud.

Maybe refrain from saying "weapons of mass destruction" while the government is on the phone

Good advice.  Wouldn't you say?

Hope your day was slightly less nauseating than mine!

Now you see it, now you don't...

My son lost his backpack three minutes before the bus was supposed to be here this morning.

When I told him to put his backpack on because it was time to go, he reached back to feel for it, only to realize it wasn't there anymore, where it had just been seconds before.

The look of terror and confusion on his face was actually comical.  Apparently going to school without a backpack in first grade is a serious offense.

He started pacing in circles trying to find it, walking/running in and out of all the rooms, getting more anxious by the second.  The problem is, when Ryan is looking for something, he's never actually looking.

It's one of the things that drives me mad.  I tell him to look for something, he comes back to me a minute later because he can't find it, and then I realize it's been right in plain sight the whole time.

This morning he started the blame game.  He yelled, "I had it on in the kitchen.  Somebody must have moved it!"

No, dude, nobody moved it.  You took it off somewhere, and now you don't remember where you put it.

I started wandering around myself, trying to find it...and I couldn't find the damn thing either.  It was like it vanished into thin air.

I told him if the bus got here, he was going without it.

He shrieked, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!," as if I had just told him he was being shipped off to boarding school.

Luckily for him, this story has a happy ending.

I went into his bedroom one last time, with seconds to spare, and found it on the floor between two book shelves.

So there you have it, another fabulous morning with my son, the knucklehead.

Never a dull moment.

At least it's Friday...

I'm going to war with my pre-lit Christmas tree this weekend.  I'll fill you in on the details when I'm done.

This is going to be one hell of a rant.

I am in such a quandary right now.  I feel like I'm going crazy.

The world is so full of awfulness.  I see pictures of babies that look like skeletons because their mothers are starving and can't produce any milk to feed them.  I read news articles about the turmoil and disease in Haiti, and it makes me feel like such a stupid ass for complaining about ANYTHING in my life.  I mean, just look around your house for a second.  I'm sure you'll see appliances, televisions, cell phones, computers, clothing, toys, 85 pairs of shoes, RUNNING WATER.

How many people on this earth don't even have access to a clean water supply...in this day and age?

To us, it's just a given.  We turn on a faucet and take a shower and flush our toilets without giving it a second thought.  

I am starting to feel guilty for everything I have, even though I work hard to earn it.  I'm by no means well off.  We're living paycheck to paycheck half the time just like millions of other people, but at least we have a roof over our heads.  Hell, at least we have a paycheck.  We're not starving.  We're not freezing.  We have access to health care if/when we need it.

My kids are going to open a bunch of toys on Christmas morning while other kids have nothing...and it makes me feel like shit.

But should I feel bad?  I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I'm providing for myself and my family.  I help others in need when I have the means.  I don't sit back and expect handouts from others.

See, I told you I'm in a quandary.

I need some Xanax stat.

Advent Calender

We have never done an Advent calender before.  I'd always wanted to...but never got around to buying one or making one.

My sister's future mother-in-law is a preschool teacher and was putting together kits.  I told her I wanted one...so she gave me two.  Thank you!

Tonight me and the kids assembled ours.  For this countdown, we are using Hershey Kisses.

There is a poem attached to a ribbon that says:  "December 1st till Christmas is the longest time of the year.  Seems as though Old Santa never will appear.  How many days till Christmas?  It's mighty hard to count.  So this little ribbon will tell you the amount.  Remove a kiss every night when the sandman casts a spell, and Christmas Eve will be here by the time you reach the bell."

We got busy with some Glue Dots...

Can you tell he's dying to eat one?

He's eating one with the wrapper on still.  He makes me scratch my head sometimes.

Hanging in the kitchen with Santa close by...

So we'll see how it goes.  The bells are making one of my cats ballistic.  She keeps staring at it with her head tilted sideways.  I'm expecting to come home and finding them torn to shreds.

Happy December 1st!

Taking some deep breaths...

Right as of this very moment, Jayden is in the bathroom crying her eyeballs out.  She has worked herself into an absolute tizzy.

We were doing a project of hers together for school and she gave me a heaping helping of attitude, so I got up and walked away.  I told her when she wants to be respectful, I'll help her again, but I need a break.

It's so hard to be eight years old, huh?

She has been home for an hour...and this is the second incident of the day.

She's already been punished for ignoring me.

Take a look at the apology note of the day:

I'm sorry for not listening to you Mommy.

I get about 4 of these a week.  :)

Even though Jayden is extremely emotional and can fly off the handle and be inconsolable for a little while, she usually comes back to reality quickly and can see the error of her ways.

It's just that little while of insanity that makes us all want to head for the hills...